i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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