Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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