I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Someone signed my nipple.
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