If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
