When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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