she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My cat gives me a boner
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
