omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
