so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Screwed.edu
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just want to make out with him forever
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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