i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
