Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
