She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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