Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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