You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
