"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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