As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
