I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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