At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
