Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
