Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
