those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
