I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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