I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
