I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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