I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So here I am, sexting at work.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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