You're a womanizer and a bitch.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
