ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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