my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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