Apparently you make a good broom.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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