I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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