i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
