the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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