Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
