you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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