SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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