remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just invented taco cereal.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
