You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
