yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
