My sheets look like a crime scene.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
