I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
