i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We left an ass print on the piano.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
