Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
