The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
