singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
