I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
