It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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