she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
