Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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