It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
