Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
