Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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