I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
