A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
