I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
what day is it and did you see me today?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
